Dean's Secret
by madladypoet
Summary: Dean has a dark secret that Sam discovers while the brothers are working a job. Can Sam help Dean deal with his past?
1. Chapter 1

_Dean at age 13_

_Dean Winchester woke up with a start. There was scratching at the door to the hotel room. Moving to the nightstand, Dean opened it slowly and grabbed his father's gun. Dad had left Dean and Sam at the motel the night before and under strict orders from Dad, Dean and Sam were not allowed to leave the hotel room for the next five days that Dad was gone. Dad gave Dean strict orders to use the gun under 'extreme circumstances.' Dean figured someone getting into their hotel room qualified as an extreme circumstance. The scratching at the door had stopped. Dean sat motionless and waited. Nothing happened. Dean started to move back toward the bed when the door handle moved. Turning he accidentally bumped Sam's bed and woke up his younger brother. "Dean, what . . .?" Sam began. Dean grabbed his brother and wrapped his arm around Sam's mouth. Even in the dark, Dean could sense his brother's fear and that strengthen Dean's resolve to keep his brother safe. The handle turned one way and then the other and stopped. Dean let go of Sam's mouth and motioned for his brother to be quiet. Acting on instinct, Sam sat still and never moved. Dean moved forward again. This time, the door burst open. A tall figure with glowing eyes entered the room. Dean tried to fire the gun, but forgot to remove the safety, so the gun would not discharge. The figure leaned over and plucked the gun from Dean's grasp. The touch of it made Dean physically ill. He could sense that it wanted something from him. Pushing himself forward, Dean threw his body into the figure, which was enough to knock it off balance. Again, contact with the creature made Dean ill and he could barely stand. Sam, seeing his brother was in trouble, reached out to Dean and grabbed his brother's hand. Forcing himself to get up, Dean held onto Sam's hand and both boys ran for the closet door. Shoving his brother in there, Dean shut the door and turned. The creature was upon him and . . ._

Dean at age 29

Dean Winchester woke up with Sam hovering over him. Immediately, Dean defensively recoiled. He rarely liked anyone too close to him. Sex was one thing, but hugging or any other intimate gesture made him uncomfortable. Dean's defensiveness caused Sam to move back, but he was still staring at his brother with concern. Dean sat up and shook his head. He wanted to get rid of those images that were floating around his head. Dean had not had a dream like this in years, but since taking the African dream root, the dream, really a nightmare, kept recurring.

Great, thought Dean as he sat up, that's all I need to deal with right now.

There were three months left on Dean's contract with the crossroads demon and he, Sam and Bobby were no closer to finding a way to break that contract than they were the day Dean made the deal. Dean had his moments of despair, but as he saw it, he was lucky for every extra hour he had been given. Dean knew that he should have died so many times over, but was always brought back again. While he never got to have the life he wanted, he felt blessed to have Sam in his life. Whenever he looked at his little brother, it always made all of Dean's sacrifices worth it.

"Dean" began Sam.

"Dean shook his head. He knew Sam was worried, even fearful for his brother's state of mind.

"I'm fine, Sammy." said Dean. "Please stop worrying about me."

Sam opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. Since taking the African dream root, Sam knew that there had been a change in Dean. In fact, there had been a change in both of them. Sam felt his psychic abilities grow even stronger while Dean's past appeared to be coming back to haunt him. Neither brother would admit it to the other, but these changes frighten them.

Sam grabbed his toothbrush and clothes and headed to the bathroom without another word. Dean leaned back on his pillows in relief. He had no idea how to tell Sam about his dream even though he desperately wanted to share it with his brother. Pushing himself up, Dean sat up in bed and felt a familiar wave of nausea overcome him. He hadn't felt that sick since he was 13. Suddenly, Dean felt fearful. Was it happening again?

The bathroom door opened and Sam walked out. He looked over at Dean who was holding his head in his hands. Sam usually badgered his brother to talk to him, but he decided that this time he would let Dean come to him. Whatever this was that Dean was dealing with, Sam thought, bugging him wouldn't make his brother tell him anything. Grabbing his keys, Sam headed for the door.

"I'm grabbing some coffee." said Sam. "Do you want something?"

Dean managed to lift his head and look up at Sam. He nodded. "Some coffee would be great."

Sam nodded in return and shut the door behind him. Dean forced himself to stand up and a wave of nausea overcame him that was so strong he had to sit back down. Dean gritted his teeth and balled his hands into fists. This was not going to happen to him again. He wouldn't let it. If he had a chance, he would have killed that thing 16 years ago. Forcing himself to stand up, Dean was suddenly struck with the realization that whatever it was that creature who had attacked him and Sam when they were children was back. It was here and Dean planned to hunt it down and kill it for good.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam at age 9

_Sam at age 9_

_Sam Winchester kept banging on the closet door. His brother Dean had thrown him in there a few minutes before when someone broke into their room. Sam couldn't see anything through the slats in the door, but he could hear his brother Dean fighting the creature. Sam knew it was something not human. It glowed with burning eyes, had bird talons on its feet and wings. It smelled awful. Sam knew that he would never forget that smell. Suddenly, the room went silent. Sam stopped banging on the door. Suddenly he felt very afraid. Had the creature killed Dean? Sam knew that his brother was the only person who cared for him. Sam felt tears streaming down his face. He was now alone in the world. Then the mattress jerked once and then again. Sam could hear a muffle cry. It was Dean. He was still alive! But what was happening to him?_

Sam at age 25

Sam walked down the street carrying a folded newspaper and two coffees. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. It was bright, but not hot. The breeze was cool and the air had the scent of blooming flowers. Sam stopped walking, looked around and even inhaled. Jess loved days like this. She used to drag Sam away from his books or work to enjoy days like this. Sam remembered they shared their first kiss on a day like this. He sighed. He missed Jess so much. He had wanted to marry her and even had looked for engagement rings the week before she died. He understood now the hurt and anger his father carried when his wife, their mom was killed. Part of Sam wanted to go back to Stanford, finish his degree and go to law school. He had even told Dean as much once. Yet, he also knew with Jess's death that his life at Stanford was over.

Realizing that he was standing in one spot holding two cups of coffee, Sam started moving again. He hated to admit it, but he was worried about Dean. He knew that his brother hide a lot, but he had no idea that Dean wanted a family so much. Dean was one of the biggest womanizers he knew, but underneath it all, his big brother wanted a wife and child. Sam suddenly felt ashamed. Why didn't he know that about Dean? Dean had always looked out for Sam, yet Sam had never really returned the favor. Sam shook his head. It was time to do so.

Sam continued to walk through the downtown. It was a Friday and happy families browsing through the shops while couples walking hand-in-hand. Sam felt a little sad. He wished that he and Dean could be among those happy families and couples. Maybe, just maybe, it would happen one day.

Reaching the motel, Sam was surprised to see an ambulance and two police cars out front. He scanned the area, but did not see Dean anywhere. Walking up to the ambulance, Sam saw that there was a small body bag. Ambulance attendants were talking to the police and the parents were standing in shock next to the body. The hotel manager was standing in the lobby watching, so Sam went in.

"What happened?" he asked.

The manager stared at Sam. "It's unreal." he whispered. "I cannot believe this is happening at my motel."

"What happened?" asked Sam.

"The parents went out to the pool." said the manager. "Left the kid sleeping in the room." "The door was locked. They came back in and the kid had been tortured."

Sam felt ill. A kid tortured a couple of rooms down from him and Dean. Why didn't they know about it?

"It was a little weird though," said the manager. "The police can't find any traces of a breakin or any fingerprints."

"Who do they think is responsible?" asked Sam.

The manager shook his head. "They don't know." He looked over at Sam and then looked around the office to make sure no one was listening. "The police say the kid was sexually assaulted, but again, there are no traces that anyone even touched the kid."

Sam nodded, but did not respond. He needed to get Dean and they needed to go over that room. He had a feeling that something demonic had tortured that kid. Although Sam and Dean had wanted a little R and R, this was a case that needed their immediate attention.

Silently, Sam and the manager watched the ambulance pull out of the parking lot followed by the police car containing the parents. The kid's mother looked into the office and Sam could see her torn apart by her grief. At that moment, he vowed to do whatever it took to find the thing responsible and kill it.

Sam said good-bye to the manager and left the office, grabbing an ice bucket along the way. Scanning the area again, he saw an ice machine three doors down from the room and He couldn't go near the hotel room as police were still inside, but he could still use the EMF to see if there were any traces of something demonic. Dean always teased Sam on being overprepared by carrying an EMF on him, but Sam always found a use for it when the brothers got into trouble. Walking over to the ice machine, Sam waited until the police officers were inside and got out his EMF. The scale went off the charts. Christ, thought Sam, whatever attacked that kid was demonic.

Turning, Sam grabbed the ice bucket and headed back to his room. On the way, he stopped. There was a smell. He had not detected it until now, but there was a horrible smell. Sam knew it was supernatural, but could not identify it. He stood there thinking for a moment. It suddenly hit him. It was the same smell he remembered from his childhood when some creature broke into their hotel room and attacked them. Christ, thought Sam, is it the same one? He headed back to the room where Dean was already up and dressed. Sam handed him a coffee and explained what happened at the hotel. Dean's face paled, but he set his jaw determinedly. "Come on," said Dean. "We have work to do."


	3. Chapter 3

Dean at age 13

_Dean at age 13_

_Dean was pinned to the bed. He had tried every maneuver Dad had taught him, but none of them worked. He could hear Sam banging on the closet door. Dean was afraid for his younger brother. If Sam kept making noise, then the creature would go after him. Dean had sworn to himself since he was four that he would look out for his little brother and he did not want to fail Sammy now. Dean wanted to shout to his brother to shut up, but he feared that the creature who now had him pinned down would go after Sam, so he kept quiet. For a moment, the room stilled and Sam stopped banging. Dean felt relief burned through him. His little brother was safe._

Dean at age 29

Dean never liked libraries. They reminded him too much of school. In libraries, you had to abide by the rules and Dean had never set much store by rules. Still as a demon hunter, libraries served an importance purpose: research into the supernatural that was often centuries old. When he was on the road with Dad, it was the old man who usually did the research, but when Dean began hunting on his own, he learned how to use the library with special thanks to Linda a librarian from Tampa. She took Dean to the back of the library for a unique research session of their own.

Ah, Linda, thought Dean with a smile, I've never looked at the special reference section quite the same way again.

Dean sat in the special reference section surrounded by books on demonology. Sam was at the end of the table completing his research online. The brothers had not spoken in a couple of hours; each lost in his own thoughts. Dean wanted to talk to Sam about what happened that night when they were kids, but every time he even thought about it, some part of him shut down. Dean closed his eyes and even here in the safety of the library he could still feel the coldness of the creature against his skin. Dean shuddered and opened his eyes again. Sam was now looking at him with concern. Dean managed a half smile and both brothers went back to work.

A half hour later, Sam said. "I think I have found something."

Dean looked up. "What is it?"

"I think the creature is an incubus." said Sam.

Dean looked surprised. "A sex demon?"

Sam grinned at his brother. "Why am I not surprised that you would know that?"

Dean rolled his eyes and sat waiting for Sam to fill him in. Sam grinned at his brother cheekily and continued.

"According to Western medieval legend, an incubus is a demon in male form that lies upon women to have sexual intercourse with them" said Sam. "The incubus uses sexual energy from the women to sustain itself."

"Sounds like me" said Dean finally grinning himself.

"I always wondered if you were part incubus" said Sam.

"Ha, Ha" said Dean. "I'm still not seeing the connection to this case."

"There is one type of incubi that preys on children" said Sam. "It's called the Assyrian Lilitu; it preys on women and children and is said to dwell in waste and desolate places."

Sam turned his computer around and showed Dean a picture of the incubus. The picture was actually a wood carving from the medieval period. The demon had bird talons for feet and wings protruding from its back. It was standing in filth. Dean saw the picture and recoiled.

"Dean" asked Sam. "What is it?"

Dean was staring down at his books. He was shaking his head. "Nothing." He looked up at Sam. "How do we kill it?"

"You are not going to like it" said Sam.

"What is it?" asked Dean. "Rod iron bullets, rock salt, what?"

Sam was grimacing. "We have to summon another demon."

Dean frowned. "Another demon?"

"Yeah" said Sam. "A pretty nasty one too. It's a male wind demon named Pazuzu."

Dean looked thoughtful. "You're talking about the demon from the Exorcist?"

"Yeah" said Sam grinning. "When he was not possessing little girls, Pazuzu was an evil spirit that was commonly used in ancient Babylon to drive away other evil spirits."

"Sam, come on" said Dean with a sigh. "There has to be another way."

"Dean" replied Sam. "I really think this is the best option."

"No!" said Dean emphatically. "Are you crazy?" "Summoning a demon to kill another one?"

"Gentleman" hissed the librarian, an octogenarian towering over Dean. "This is a library; you must keep quiet."

"Sorry" said Dean and Sam in unison.

The librarian glared at the boys and walked away pushing her cart. Dean whistled low under his breath. "Man, I miss Tampa."

"What?" asked Sam.

Dean shook his head. "Nothing" he muttered. He looked up at Sam. "Conjuring a demon to kill another is not what we do Sam." Seeing Sam was going to protest, Dean stood up, grabbed his jacket and looked at his brother. "Sam, there has to be another way, so just find it." Without looking back, Dean walked out of the library. Outside the doors, Dean inhaled the fresh morning air. He needed to talk a walk and clear his head. An incubus that fed on children? Conjuring a demon to kill another? Christ, he thought, this has to be the worst job they had ever faced.

Dean turned and began walking to the motel. He felt tired and sluggish and had since he and Sam had arrived in this town. The last time he felt this tired was . . . Dean didn't want to think about it. As he neared the motel, he smelled something horrible. Dean stopped and recoiled. He remembered that smell. Stopping in front of the motel, Dean realized that the incubus was hiding out somewhere in the motel. Stopping by the vending machine, Dean grabbed a Mountain Dew. He needed to wake up; he had a job to do. And the first on list was to search the entire motel and find the incubus. It was time to kill this thing once and for all.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam at age 9

_Sam at age 9_

_Sam could hear the muffled cries of his brother as the creature attacked Dean. The mattress was making noises and the air, which had been unnaturally cold, had heated to a point where Sam was sweating. The awful smell was now gone and the room was filled with an explosive energy. Sam started banging against the door. Dean was in trouble. Since Dad was gone, it was up to Sam to do something. Banging on the closet door was getting him nowhere, if only he had a way out! Sam imagined that the door was open and he was attacking the creature. To Sam's surprise, the door began to buckle. _

Sam at age 25

Sam packed up his laptop and left the library. The octogenarian librarian was still glaring at him. Sam managed his sweetest smile, but it didn't seem to work. Oh well, thought Sam, at least she wasn't like Ms. Case. Dean still shuddered at the memory of her pawing him. Maybe that's why he had been put off sex ever since. That, or Sam thought, it was definitely the memory of seeing Dean with the Doublemint twins. Sam knew that his brother was highly sexual, but walking in on his brother in that type of compromising position was enough to make Sam want to gouge his eyes out.

Once outside, Sam turned toward the motel. He always wondered why Dean was so highly sexual. Dad had only really loved one woman in his life and had never been with any woman since Mom died. Sam had only had a few girlfriends in his life and had been fully prepared to spend the rest of his life with Jessica. Yet, Dean had only been serious about one woman-Cassie-and had not even attempted to try another relationship since then. Sam had always wondered what Dean was afraid of. He asked Dean once and his brother went on about being "a lone wolf," but Sam never really believed it. Sam always speculated that Dean witnessed something during one of their hunts that caused him to live his life on the edge.

Sam shook his head. He couldn't deal with that now. He had to concentrate on the incubus. The brothers had never dealt with an incubus before, and considering the form that this incubus might be taking, the situation was extremely dangerous. They were going to need help. Sam grabbed his phone and called Bobby. He answered on the first ring.

"Singer Salvage" came a gruff male voice. "This is Bobby."

"Hey Bobby, it's Sam."

"Hey kiddo" said Bobby. "What's shakin?"

"Dean and I are on case and we need your help" said Sam.

"I thought you guys were taking some R and R" said Bobby.

"Yeah, well" said Sam. "You know how that goes with this job."

"Don't I know it" laughed Bobby. "The last time I took a vacation I ended up exorcising two demons in Puerto Rico. Not the best of times."

"Listen Bobby" said Sam. "We're facing an incubus."

Sam could hear Bobby inhale and go silent. That worried Sam. Bobby had been the one constant in the boy's lives, and after their Dad died, "Uncle Bobby" had become a surrogate father to the brothers. No matter what problem they faced; the brothers knew that Bobby would always have an answer. The fact that Bobby was worried about facing an incubus increased Sam's dread. Finally, Bobby spoke.

"What kind?" he asked in a low voice.

"We think it might be an Assyrian Lilitu" replied Sam much to Bobby's dismay.

"Oh God" said Bobby. "Those things are just nasty. Any kids killed?"

"One so far." said Sam. "Dean and I are worried that there might be more deaths and soon. Is there any way to kill it?"

"Only one" said Bobby grimly "and Dean is not going to like it."

"Let me guess" said Sam. "Summoning Pazuzu?"

"Yeah" said Bobby. "Your dad and I hunted an Assyrian Lilitu about 16 years ago. We tried to summon Pazuzu and things went bad."

"What happened?" asked Sam.

"We couldn't control it" said Bobby. "Pazuzu brought plague and locust with him and destroyed the town and the Assyrian Lilitu killed five children and got away."

"Oh God" said Sam. "So what should we do?"

"Where are you?" asked Bobby.

"Buffalo, Wyoming" replied Sam.

"You guys went there for an R and R?" asked Bobby.

"Yeah" said Sam unexpectedly embarrassed. "Dean wanted to look up an old girlfriend."

"Is she anything like 'gumby girl'?" asked Bobby.

"Apparently not" said Sam. "She's married and her husband wields a pretty big gun."

"Listen Sam" said Bobby suddenly becoming serious. "This incubus is nasty business. I'm coming up there. I should be there in a couple of hours."

"Great" said Sam feeling some relief. "We're at the Hardin Inn Motel."

"Sam" said Bobby "You and Dean have to be ready. We may not be able to kill this thing without extreme consequences."

"I know" said Sam. "It's always that way."

"See you soon" said Bobby and hung up.

Sam found himself in standing in front of the motel. He heaved a sigh and went up to their room to give Dean the bad news. The next 24 hours, thought Sam, were really going to suck.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean at age 13

_Dean at age 13_

_Dean could barely breathe. The creature had him pinned to the bed and Dean's face was buried in the blankets. He felt himself passing out from the lack of oxygen and pain. The creature was tearing at Dean's clothes and flesh with its claws. The cold air hit his open wounds leaving Dean in pain. The creature laid itself on Dean's body and the pain increased to a point that Dean began to cry. The combination of pain and blood loss caused Dean to lose focus. As he began to pass out, his last thought was of Sam. He had let his little brother down._

Dean at age 29

Dean was walking around the motel with an EMF. The motel was practically empty since the murder of the child and now Dean and Sam were the only customers remaining. The motel manager was so grateful to the brothers that he did not even blink when Dean asked to check out the place. Armed with keys to each room, Dean walked through and carefully examined each one. There were low levels of EMF admissions, but nothing that wouldn't be normally found in most motels of this age. Finally, Dean made it to the room where the child was killed. The room was still roped off with police tape. Pulling out his knew, Dean cut through the tape and went into the room.

Immediately, a horrible overwhelming smell hit him and he was nearly forced to the ground. The air in the room was extremely cold but Dean sensed an energy that he had only felt once before. The EMF readings were off-the-scale and had not dissipated even though it had been 24 hours since the incident.

The incubus was still here, thought Dean. But where was it hiding?

After carefully checking the room, Dean decided to exit. The incubus was still in town, but how could they draw it out? Sighing, Dean decided to head back to the room. This had to be the worst case that he had ever encountered. He could not believe that the only way to kill this demon would be to summon another one. That was not acceptable to Dean. Dad had always taught the boys not only how to hunt, but how to determine what was human and what was not. Summoning Pazuzu was unacceptable to Dean and he would not be a part of it if Sam decided to go that way.

As he walked back to the room, Dean encountered the same inhuman stench that he encountered in the room. The smell seemed to be coming from the room next to his and Sam's. Dean unlocked the door and pointed his gun inside. Scanning the room, he found nothing, so he stepped inside. The smell was overwhelming, but Dean was used to it by now. Without warning, the door slammed behind him. Dean turned and it was the incubus. It grabbed the gun from Dean's hand and threw him on the bed. For a moment, Dean froze. The worst memory of his childhood was now becoming a reality. Dean had privately sworn to himself that he would never be a victim again, but now he was at the mercy of the incubus.

No, thought Dean, I'm not going out like that.

Turning Dean struck his fist into the incubus. He did not make contact with flesh or even seemed to hurt it, but his sudden defensive posture threw it off guard. Dean threw himself to the ground and crawled toward the door. The incubus grabbed Dean's shirt and shredded it but was unable to hold onto him. Dean managed to make it to the door and grabbed the handle. The incubus put its claw against the door and its weight would not allow Dean to open the door. Dean swung again, but the incubus was ready. It grabbed Dean's arm. Immediately, Dean felt ill and felt his energy drained. The incubus pulled Dean up and was dragging him to the bed. Dean wanted to scream, fight, doing something, but he was simply too drained.

"Dean!" shouted Sam through the door. "Are you in there?"

"Sam" whispered Dean weakly. He could hear Sam banging on the door, but could not respond enough to help his brother. He did not want Sam to fight this incubus. The door burst open and Sam entered the room with his gun drawn. As the incubus turned to fight Sam, Dean reached for it, but everything slid out of focus.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam at age 9

_Sam at age 9_

_Sam was surprised to see the door buckle outward. Although Sam was banging on the door, he knew that he was not strong enough to cause it to buckle outward. He closed his eyes and imagined the door burst open. To Sam's surprise, the door did exactly that. Sam gingerly crawled through the door frame to the bed. Standing up, he saw that Dean was on the bed and the creature was doing something to him. Sam bent down and felt around for some sort of weapon. His hand touched the doorknob. Dad had trained Sam and Dean to use anything as a weapon if they were in a desperate situation. Sam gripped the doorknob in his hand and aimed it at the creature's head. He threw it and it went through the creature's head. It turned on Sam and stared at him with glowing eyes. Sam froze in place. The creature let go of Dean and started toward Sam. At that moment, another door burst open. This time it was the door to the room. Dad and Uncle Bobby were carrying guns and flashlights. Sam cried out for his father. John shouted something to Uncle Bobby who picked Sam up and ran for the door. Behind them, Sam could hear John shouting at the creature and the shotgun blasts of rock salt. Sam breathed a sigh of relief. Dean was now safe._

Sam dragged Dean's body back to the room. His skin was ice cold and he was unresponsive. Slamming the door shut and locking it, Sam managed to pull Dean to the bed. He began shaking his brother.

"Dean!" he shouted. "Come on, Dean."

Suddenly, there was someone knocking on the motel room door. Sam quickly turned with his gun aimed.

"Who is it?" he shouted hoarsely.

"Sam" replied Bobby. "It's me.

Bobby, said Sam with a sigh of relief. He walked over and looked out of the peephole. Yes, it really was Bobby. Opening the door, he grabbed Bobby and pulled him in.

"Christ kid!" said Bobby "What's going on?" Then answering his own question, Bobby looked over at the bed and saw Dean. Walking over, he looked at Dean and felt for a pulse. Then he opened one of Dean's closed eyes.

"He's unconscious" said Bobby. "Was it the incubus?"

"Yeah," said Sam with his voice shaking. "I had just gotten back to the motel room when I heard some commotion in the room next door. I busted in and found the incubus standing over Dean."

Bobby was staring at Dean's inert form with tears in his eyes. He looked up at Sam and quietly asked "What else did you see?"

"Nothing" said Sam. "I think I got there before the incubus had time to start." "Is Dean going to be okay?"

"Yeah" said Bobby who had now torn his eyes from Dean and was looking at Sam. "The incubus did not drain all of his energy, so he should regain consciousness in a few hours."

"Christ," said Bobby. "I prayed that this would never happen again."

Sam looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

Bobby sighed and looked at Sam. "Are you ready for the truth?"

"What truth?" asked Sam.

"Do you remember when I told you that your dad and I hunted this incubus about 16 years ago?" asked Bobby.

"Yeah" replied Sam. "You said that you summoned Pazuzu, but that it was unsuccessful and that the incubus killed five children."

"Yeah, that part is true." said Bobby. "But there is another part of it . . ." Bobby seemed too upset to go on.

"Bobby, whatever it is" said Sam. "Dean and I need to know it, so we can stop this thing."

"How much do you remember about Chesapeake, Montana?" asked Bobby.

"Not much" said Sam. "Dad, Dean and I went to Chesapeake for a job and we met you there." "Dean got attacked by a demon and you and Dad rescued us."

"Sam" said Bobby quietly. "It wasn't just any demon."

Sam's eyes opened wide when he realized what Bobby was trying to tell him. "It was the incubus wasn't it; the Assyrian Lililut who attacked Dean when we were kids?"

"Yeah" said Bobby. "It almost killed Dean." "Your dad never forgave himself for allowing you kids to be left alone."

Sam suddenly felt his anger build toward his father again. "Oh yeah!" he snapped. "Well, it didn't stop Dad from leaving us alone time and again after that."

"Sam" Bobby began. "Your dad. . ."

"My dad what!" shouted Sam. "He allowed this to happen to Dean and then did nothing to help him afterwards!" "He still treated us like crap!"

"Sam" said Bobby soothingly. "Your dad didn't know what else to do." "He didn't know how else to help Dean but to try and make him stronger."

"Yeah" snapped Sam. "Bullying your kid into submission until he doesn't have his own identity made Dean stronger." "Making Dean feel like he had no self-worth, yeah, that really made him stronger."

Realizing that Sam was too angry to talk rationally, Bobby decided to take the conversation in a different direction.

"Sam" said Bobby. "We need to get Dean out of here and we need to draw up a battle plan." "This incubus knows that we are here and it knows that Dean is here." Looking over at Dean, Bobby bit his lip hard and looked at Sam. "It'll try for him again."

Sam stood staring at Bobby. Inside, he was full of rage. Dean had been assaulted by this incubus as a child and instead of helping his son deal with the trauma, Dad became even harder and colder with his children. Sam could never forgive his father for putting Dean through so much. But right now, Sam had to put his anger on the back burner. Bobby was right. They needed to leave the motel and they needed to move Dean to another one. They also needed to find this demon and kill it. Looking at his brother's inert form, Sam vowed that he would find a way to get revenge for his brother.

"You're right" said Sam. "Let's get moving."

Grabbing Dean's arms, Sam helped Bobby carry Dean down to the car. The motel was eerily quiet. Yet Sam could sense the incubus was lurking, waiting for its next opportunity. Sam knew the incubus would follow them to try and finish the job it had started on Dean. How could they kill something that couldn't be killed? Would summoning Pazuzu actually make a difference or make things worse?

Bobby opened the car door and they placed Dean inside. Sam took off his jacket and put it over Dean. He stared at his brother. Hearing that Dean had been assaulted by a demon suddenly explained so much that he didn't know about his brother. Dean's low self-esteem, his trust issues, his blatant sexuality, his overt masculinity were all probably caused, in part, by the demon's assault in him. Sam felt tears overwhelming him. He had let Dean down. He was going to find this demon and kill it.

"Sam" said Bobby softly.

Sam looked up, and as he did so, Bobby put his hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed it affectionately. Sam nodded and ran back upstairs to get his and Dean's stuff while Bobby kept an eye out for the incubus. Sam came back downstairs with two duffle bags and his laptop. He stuffed everything into the trunk of the Impala while Bobby fished the car keys from Dean's jacket. He threw them to Sam and then got into his own car. Sam fired up the Impala and followed Bobby out of the parking lot. Behind them, the incubus lurked and waited for nightfall.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean at age 13

_Dean at age 13_

_Dean woke up screaming. He had slipped into unconscious during the incubus's assault on him and had woken up in his father's arms. Dad was carrying Dean down to their car and unaware that it was his father who was holding him, Dean began fighting. Dad had to stop walking and get Dean under control before he could take him to the car._

"_Son!" shouted Dad. "Son, it's me." "You're safe now."_

_Dean looked around wildly. "Where's Sam?" _

"_He's safe." replied Dad. "Bobby's got him."_

"_Uncle Bobby's here?" asked Dean, then he remembered the creature. "Dad!" "That creature. . ."_

"_He's gone" said John cutting off Dean. He picked up his son and resumed walking. _

_Dean rested his head against his father's shoulder. "Dad, I kept Sam safe just like you told me."_

"_I know" replied John, avoiding Dean's gaze. "You're a good soldier."_

_Dean did not say anymore. His wounds were painful and he was afraid of losing consciousness again. He had to stay alert in case the creature came back. John put Dean in the backseat of the Impala, so he could lie down. Then, he took off in a roar of dirt and gravel. As they drove, Dean laid on the back seat watching the flashes of light from the streetlights passing overhead. He felt tears slide down his face. He felt dirty and violated, and he knew that his father would never look at him the same way again._

Dean at age 29

Dean opened his eyes and the lights overhead pierced his vision making his head feel as though it was filled with glass. Dean let out a groan. He had had his share of hangovers and bad sexual encounters, but this was the worse he had ever felt. The last time he felt this bad was after the last attack by the incubus. Gingerly, Dean opened his eyes. The pain was less this time, so he was able to focus. He could hear voices in the other room. Delicately, Dean sat up. He wasn't in any pain, but felt extremely weak. He tried standing, but couldn't hold up his body weight, so he sat back down.

"Dean?" called out a voice from the other room. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah!" Dean called back. He heard footsteps and Sam and Bobby walked in. Both looked relieved to see Dean awake. Sam leaned over and grabbed his brother in a bear hug. Although Dean disliked hugs, he had to admit to himself that he was happy that once again he could get a hug from his little brother. Looking over Sam's shoulder, Dean saw Bobby happily grinning at him.

"We almost lost you, kiddo" said Bobby. "Welcome back."

Dean nodded. "It was the incubus wasn't it?"

"Yeah" said Sam. "Bobby thinks it was the same one that assaulted you when we were kids."

Dean's pale face drained of its remaining color. He glared at Bobby. "You told Sam?"

"Dean" began Bobby.

"No!" shouted Dean hoarsely. "That was my secret!" "You promised to never tell Sam what really happened!"

"Dean" said Sam calmly trying to interject himself in the conversation. "We can't deal with that right now." "We need to figure out the best way to kill this thing once and for all."

Dean continued to glare at Bobby but said nothing else. The room was silent before Dean finally interjected. "What's the deal?"

Sam glanced at Bobby. "Bobby and I worked through it." "The incubus is definitely the Assyrian Lililut. Because it dwells in waste and filth, most demons will not go after it except one."

"Let me guess." said Dean. "Pazuzu."

"Yeah" said Bobby. "Summoning Pazuzu is not easy." "It requires using the darkest magic."

Dean held his hand up. "Explain it to me then why you and Dad decided to summon this thing?"

Bobby looked embarrassed. "Dean, your dad and I tried every conceivable thing we could to kill this demon." "We spent months hunting it, trying to kill it and nothing worked."

Bobby walked over and sat next to Dean. "Your dad became obsessed with it." "He was convinced that if we didn't kill it that it would eventually come after you two."

Sam looked confused. "Why would it come after us?"

"Are you kidding?" asked Bobby. "The sons of a demon hunter?" "Any demon would be thrilled to see you guys destroyed."

"Anyway" said Bobby continued. "Your dad consulted with a Wiccan priestess."

A what?" asked Sam and Dean.

Bobby looked amused at their ignorance. "A high priestess from a Wicca clan in Billings."

"Dad consulted with a witch?" asked Sam who has raised eyebrows demonstrated that he did not believe it.

"Wiccans generally do not practice dark magic." replied Bobby. "In fact their creed is 'An it harm none, do what ye will." "But this priestess was an elderly woman and she had experience with dark magic and since your dad wanted to kill a demon, she didn't see the harm in helping him out."

"I don't believe this." said Dean. "Dad taught us that black magic is evil." "Why would he use it?"

"Because" said Bobby. "Not all black magic is evil." "Some of it can have beneficial uses such as killing off disease of pests. However, the priestess warned that there is a danger in using dark magic and that John could end up in the Left-Hand Path."

"What's that?" asked Dean.

"The Left-Hand Path" said Bobby. "comes from the Hindu tantra. It states that left-hand path is used for the advancement and preservation of the self and for personal gain. The priestess warned John that if he went down this path that it would cause pain and considerable misery in his family for generations."

Bobby got up and began to pace the room. "Once your dad got the magic to summon Pazuzu, he called me. I was completely against the idea until he told me that he had you two with him. That's why I joined him on this hunt."

"For us?" asked Dean in surprise.

"You guys are like family to me" said Bobby. "Where else would I be?"

Both Sam and Dean looked embarrassed, but secretly pleased. Unlike John who rarely showed the boys affection, Bobby was always up front about how much he cared about people, especially the Winchester brothers.

"Anyway" said Bobby. "John was determined to summon Pazuzu and created a devil's trap to hold Pazuzu. The idea was that we lure the incubus to Pazuzu and the demon would kill it. After that, we would killed Pazuzu."

"Wow" said Sam sarcastically. "That is such a great plan."

"I could do without the sarcasm, boy." replied Bobby with a hint of a smile. "Anyway, everything went well at first. We summoned Pazuzu, held him in the Devil's Trap and your dad went looking for the incubus. John was going to use himself as bait." At that point, Bobby stopped. He did not want to seem to go on.

"Then what?" asked Dean prompting Bobby to finish the story.

"The incubus rejected him" said Bobby.

For the first time, Sam nearly smiled. "Dad got rejected by an incubus?" He and Bobby looked at each other and started laughing. Dean looked perturbed.

"Hey!" said Dean. "That's not funny."

"Ah come on kid" said Bobby. "It's a little funny. The great John Winchester getting rejected by a sex demon? That's worth a laugh or two."

"Dad had principles" said Dean as always rising to defend his father. "He always did what he believed was right and he never cheated on mom."

Bobby raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?"

Dean's mouth dropped open. He had always believed that his parents had a love so great that not even his mother's death could change that. The idea that Dad cheated on Dean's beloved mother was a betrayal too deep for Dean to contemplate. It was the idea of his parent's great love that kept Dean going through his darkest days after the incubus first attacked him as a child. Dad, thought Dean, became a hunter to kill the thing that took his beloved wife and mother of his children. So if Dean had to offer up himself as a sacrifice, to achieve that and protect Sam, then so be it. The idea that Dad even looked at another woman was unfathomable to Dean. He looked up at Bobby with anguished eyes and Bobby immediately stopped laughing with Sam following suit. Dean's head dropped down. He couldn't look at his brother or Bobby, but he wanted to cry. Maybe the incubus draining him of his energy had made him emotional, but he couldn't deal with this.

Bobby bent down in front of Dean. He looked up at Sam who shrugged but said nothing. Bobby always knew that Dean was the more emotional of the two brothers and that his parent's great love was what held Dean together. Unlike Sam, Dean could never accept another woman in his father's life.

"Dean" said Bobby softly. "Your dad was human. He always loved your mom, but he needed companionship like everyone else. You above all people should understand that."

Dean raised his head, glaring at Bobby. "Who was she?"

Bobby stood back up. "Dean that isn't important right now. . ."

"Who was she?" he shouted.

Bobby held up his hands defensively. "Her name was Emma. She was a hunter."

"Where is she?" asked Dean a little more calmly.

"Dead" said Bobby. "She died a few days after the incubus attacked you. She offered herself up as bait." He looked at Dean whose head had dropped dejected.

"Bait?" asked Sam.

"Yeah" said Bobby with a sigh. "Your dad was hunting the incubus to get revenge for the attack on Dean. Emma offered herself up as bait to lure it. It killed her before your dad could get to it." He looked Dean square in the eye. "Emma was a good woman. She cared about your dad and wanted to help kill the demon that tried to kill you. She's dead because your dad chose the Left Hand Path. She's dead and you nearly died because of the choices your dad made."

Sam and Dean did not respond, but they both knew that Bobby was right. Over the years, John became colder and much more ruthless, not even coming to Dean's aid when he nearly died two years ago. Dean realized that whatever he may have felt about his father's relationship with this woman she did not deserve to be killed. Running his fingers through his hair, he wondered if everything, they sacrificed and all the people who died because of them were really worth it. Hell, thought Dean, maybe the world should just come to an end.

Looking up at Bobby with a weary sigh, Dean said "So after the incubus rejected Dad, then what?"

"We went hunting for it." said Bobby. "But it was no where to be found. It wasn't until we got back to the hotel that we realized it was there."

"How?" asked Sam.

"That godawful smell." said Bobby. "That's when we ran to the room and found it attacking Dean. It must have smelled your scent on John's clothes and went for you."

"Well!" said Dean sarcastically. "Aren't I the lucky one?" "Why me?"

"You were a kid." explained Bobby. "Kids give off ten times more energy than adults." "Incubi usually aren't attracted to children or to someone of the same sex, but this Assyrian Lililut is a whole different kind of incubus."

"How so?" asked Sam.

"It is a demon controlled by Lilith" said Bobby. "Lilith is reported to be Adam's first wife who was rejected by Adam because she wanted to experience the same sexual independence he did."

Dean grinned for the first time. "Sounds like my kind of woman."

Bobby grinned back. "This is not the kind of sexually independent woman you're used to." "Lilith is considered by many to be the first incubus to be born. From her many different incubi arose including the Assyrian Lililut."

"Which brings us back to the point." said Dean. "How do we kill this thing?"

Bobby sighed. "By summoning . . ."

"No!" Dean cried out. "I'm not going to make the same mistakes as dad." He looked at Bobby and Sam. "There has to be another way. We just haven't thought of one yet."

The room fell silent. Sam and Bobby knew that Dean was right. Dean couldn't bear for anyone else to die because of the incubus, yet summoning Pazuzu destructive powers would only cause more pain in the end. Dean buried his face in his hands. He wanted to believe in his father, but John's decisions had hurt as many people as they saved. What's even worse, Dean realized that he had become his father. By sacrificing himself to save Sam, Dean was continuing the cycle that the priestess had warned John about. Bobby brought Dean out of his reverie.

"There may be a way to kill this thing" said Bobby. "We need to go to Billings and consult with the priestess."

Sam and Dean looked at each other and then at Bobby. Dean managed to stand up gingerly and felt for his car keys. Sam fished the keys from his pocket and tossed them to his brother. Dean caught them immediately.

"Let's go." he said.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam at age 9

_Sam at age 9_

_Sam was sitting in an armchair next to the heater. He was wrapped in a blanket and the heater was hitting him full blast, but Sam was still cold. He stared over at Uncle Bobby who was heating some soup for him in the kitchenette. Sam closed his eyes. He wanted to see Dean. He knew that his brother was okay, but he still wanted to see his brother and talk to him. Sam wanted to tell his brother that he was sorry that he couldn't defend Dean from the creature. Feeling ashamed, Sam felt tears slide down his face. Uncle Bobby came over with his soup and when he saw that the boy was crying, he put an affectionate hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed hard. "It's going to be okay, Sam" said Bobby. "Your brother is going to be okay and you're going to be okay." Sam nodded and accepted the bowl of soup from Bobby. At that moment, John came out of the bathroom where he had been taking care of Dean's wounds. Sam managed to get a brief glimpse of his brother before the door was shut. Dean was in the bathtub. Sam could see wounds on Dean's back. He started to get up, but one look from his father caused him to sit back down. Bobby nodded encouragingly at Sam and walked back into the kitchenette where John was waiting. At first, the two men were speaking softly with John gesturing to the bathroom door. But suddenly, Bobby exploded._

"_You're going to do what?" Bobby cried out._

"_Please Bobby" pleaded John. "It is the only way to kill this thing."_

"_Absolutely not!" snapped Bobby. "He's not my son, but I'll shoot you dead before I allow you to use that boy as bait! If you want to throw yourself into hell, that's fine, but it will be over my dead body before I allow you to hurt that boy!"_

"_Fine!" shouted John. "Then I'll get Emma's help!" John turned and Bobby grabbed him by the arm._

"_Leave her out of this Winchester!" he growled. "She's pregnant; you know that."_

"_That's perfect!" snapped John. "That's an even better way of drawing out the incubus."_

_Bobby's mouth dropped opened. "My God!" he whispered savagely. "What has happened to you?"_

_John stared at Bobby with a face that was calmly resolute. "Take care of the boys" he said. "I'll be back in a few days."_

_With that, John strode out the door. He had not once looked at Sam or said good-bye to his son. Bobby stood out with his fists balled. Seeing Sam sitting there small and scared, Bobby forced himself to relax. He smiled at Sam. "It's okay, kiddo." "Just eat your soup." Bobby walked to the bathroom door and clasped the handle. "I'm going to check on your brother." Bobby opened the door and used his body to block Sam's view. Sam was stirring his soup listening silently to Bobby talking to Dean. He couldn't make out what was said, but he heard Dean crying. Hearing his brother in such pain, Sam put his soup down and cried along with his brother._

Sam at age 25

Sam was asleep when they reached Billings, Montana. He had not slept in 24 hours and although the last 24 had been the worst of his life, the next 24 were sure to be even worse. Still, if they were going to kill the incubus, he needed to get some sleep. With Dean seeming secure at the wheel, Sam fell asleep to the gentle roar of the Impala. Sam dreamed of his father. John was setting up Sam and Dean as bait for the incubus. John had them trapped in a devil's trap. The incubus was drawing closer to them and both boys were screaming. The demon's eyes were glowing and its claws were reaching for Dean when. . .

"Sammy!" yelled Dean. "Wake up!" "We're here."

Sam opened his eyes and looked around. They were in Billings and Dean had pulled up in front of a house. Bobby, who Dean had been following, was already getting out of his car. Walking to the front of the house, Bobby signaled for the boys to follow him. Sam yawned and stretched.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"The high priestess's house" replied Dean. "Bobby is convinced that she can help us."

"What do you think?" asked Sam.

"At this point" said Dean, opening his car door, "anything would be helpful."

Sam had to concur and he joined Dean in getting out of the car. Walking up to the front door, the boys joined Bobby who had already ringed the bell. An old woman who appeared to be blind opened the door. She paused and sniffed the air.

"Bobby Singer?" she asked. "The Winchester brothers?"

All three looked at each other in surprise. Bobby had not called ahead as the woman did not have a phone.

"Don't look so shocked." she said chuckling. "The spirits told me that you were coming three days ago."

The three men looked at each other with uncertainty. The old woman stood back from the door and gestured for the three men to come in. Dean and Sam followed Bobby into a living room that resembled something out of a Martha Stewart catalog.

"Hey" said Dean. "This looks like something I saw on Oprah."

Both Sam and Bobby turned to look at him. Dean shrugged. Oprah was one of his guilty pleasures and he had no problem admitting it.

"Dean Winchester" said the old woman, "You're not here to talk about my living room; you're here to talk about killing an incubus."

All three men looked at each other. Cutting to the chase, Dean asked "How do we kill it?"

The old woman cocked her head to one side and Sam could have sworn that she could see them. "How much are you willing to sacrifice?" she asked.

"Me" said Dean quickly. "I don't have that much time left." He looked over at the old woman. "At least my life will mean something."

"To who?" asked the old woman. "Why should anyone care when you value your life so little?"

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again without a word. He looked over at Sam who was glaring at him. Dean did not always have such a cavalier attitude toward life. At one time, he thought of settling down, but his desire to hunt down and kill the demon who took his mother from him always took precedence. Since he was a child, Dean had been prepared to sacrifice himself to that end and now that he was on his way to hell, the sacrifice seemed well worth it.

"What about you, Sam?" asked the old woman. "You lost your girlfriend, mother and father to this war. Your brother sold his sold to save your life. What are you willing to sacrifice?"

Sam said nothing, but his silence spoke volumes to the old woman, who seem to recoil at what she sensed coming from him.

"Oh my" she said. "I can see what Lucifer wants you so badly."

Both Dean and Bobby looked at Sam, but his face was a blank slate. Bobby was especially worried since he knew what Sam would become once Dean really went to hell.

"Bobby Singer." said the old woman addressing him. "I know already know what you would sacrifice, especially to save these boys." She smiled at him. "If you only knew what you sacrificed when you killed your wife."

Bobby's face went pale. "What do you mean?"

The old woman smiled. "I think you know."

Bobby suddenly stood up and walked over to the window to stare out. Sam and Dean had been surprised to find out that Bobby had a wife and that he had to kill her when she became possessed. Dean wondered how Bobby was able to cope. If Dean had been in the same position, he was not sure that he could have gone on.

"Sacrifice gentlemen" said the old woman "is the key to defeating this creature."

"What kind of sacrifice?" asked Sam. "Are you talking about summoning Pazuzu?"

The old woman snorted. "No, summoning Pazuzu is taking the easy way out. Besides, he is not a demon that you can control. He rides on the wind and still has yet to be defeated. He has destroyed countless towns since your father unleashed him sixteen years ago."

"Why did John want to summon him?" asked Bobby. "That never made sense to me."

The old woman smirked. "John Winchester knew that to kill the Assyrian Lililut he would have to sacrifice one of his children. Being a dedicated father, he wasn't willing to do that, so I gave him the next best option."

Dean's face turned murderous. "You told our father to kill us?"

The old woman looked mildly amused at Dean's anger. "No, I did not tell him to murder his own children. I gave him the two options available: sacrifice a child or summon Pazuzu. He took what he thought was the lesser of two evils. After the incubus attacked you and Pazuzu was unleashed, your father saw reason and would have sacrificed one of you to kill the incubus. Lucky for you, Bobby was there to stop him."

Dean stood up enraged. "Our father would have never done that." He turned to Bobby. "Back me up here, you knew dad, he would have never hurt either one of us."

Bobby sat with his arms folded. He looked at Dean wanting to give his surrogate son some comfort, but he had always promised the boys that he would never lie to them. Dean looked as though he had been punched. He looked over at Sam who did not seem surprised at all.

"Sam" said Dean. "You don't believe this, do you?"

Sam looked suddenly older than his 25 years. "Dean, Dad loved us, but he wanted revenge more than anything else. No, this doesn't surprise me." Sam looked at the old woman. "You said one of us; which one did you mean?"

The old woman said nothing. When Sam looked over at Bobby, his surrogate father could not look him in the eye. Sam said nothing. His father's willingness to sacrifice everything to win did not surprise him. It was one of the reasons that Sam wanted out and took the offer to go to Stanford when it came up.

The old woman interrupted the silence. "Gentleman, whatever choices John Winchester made does not mean that you have to make the same. In Wicca, we have a saying 'An it harm none, do what ye will.' John made choices that harmed so many people."

"Dad made those choices because of you" snarled Dean still smarting from the old woman's accusations that his father was a murderer.

"Do you really believe that?" said the old woman.

Dean sat down and said nothing. She was right. Dad made his choices, but it still hurt Dean to admit that his father was less than perfect.

"Gentleman," began the old woman "sacrifice is an offering to a higher power. Grimm says that sacrifice is only a prayer offered with gifts. That is why most sacrifice requires the body and blood of someone, usually an innocent. Sam, your girlfriend, Bobby, your wife and Dean, your and Sam's mother were all blood sacrifices to this war. So again, gentleman, what are you willing to sacrifice to stop this demon?"

No one spoke for a moment. Sam suddenly realized what the old woman was asking.

"You want us to sacrifice you?" he asked.

"Yes" said the old woman with a satisfied sigh that someone finally got it. "I am asking you to sacrifice me."

"No!" said Dean immediately. "You have to be out of your mind!"

The old woman smirked. "Why, you were willing to sacrifice yourself just a few moments ago. Why am I different?"

"That was different" said Dean defensively.

"Because you are going to hell?" asked the old woman.

Dean stared down at the ground dejectedly. "Yeah" he said somewhat mollified.

"Gentleman, I am the only one here who has not lost anything" she said. "In terms of this war, I am an innocent and I am the perfect choice." She stood up. "I will get the tools we need. We should head back to Chesapeake soon. The incubus is waiting for Dean and this time, it will kill him if we don't stop it."


	9. Chapter 9

Dean at age 13

_Dean at age 13_

_Dean sat in the bathtub shivering. The water was hot, but his body was cold having gone into shock after the attack. While he sat there, Dad applied a salve that Bobby made up to hasten the healing of Dean's wounds. Dean didn't feel any pain, but the smell was terrible. Dean couldn't look at his father, but the tears that silently fell down his cheeks spoke volumes to John. _

"_Look Dean" said John. "This is part of the job." "We take risks no one else will take. Sometimes we get hurt; sometimes we die." John paused and stared down at his son. "Do you understand?" _

_Dean nodded. His head hung down as tears slid from his face into the water below. John continued talking. "In this business, you have to be a solider; a blunt instrument." "You have to be able to take a lot of pain." He paused letting his words sink in. "Do you understand?"_

_Dean was staring at the water. It was full of blood. John pulled the drain plug and grabbed a towel. _

"_Come on, Dean" he told his son. "It's time to get out."_

_Dean shook his head. He didn't want to get out and he didn't want his father's help right now. Dad sighed. "Come on," said John. "It's time to get out." Dean still shook his head; this time more defiantly. Aggravated, John grabbed Dean's arm and his son turned to look at him. There was so much pain and shame in his son's eyes that John turned away. Without looking at Dean again, John turned on both taps full blast and stood up._

"_Stay in as long as you like" he told Dean and left the room. Dean leaned over grabbed the drain plug and shoved it back into the drain. The hot water felt good and warmed him up considerably. Outside, he could hear Bobby and Dad talking, and then shouting. Dean covered his ears. He could never take fighting and now it was coming from his father and Uncle Bobby. Soon the fighting died down and Dean heard a door slam. A second later, the door opened and his Uncle Bobby came in._

"_Hey" said Bobby softly. "How are you feeling kiddo?"_

_Dean swallowed hard. "I'm okay." "How's Sam?"_

_Bobby smiled. "He's fine." "He's eating." "Do you want to eat something?"_

"_A cheeseburger" said Dean. "That's my favorite food."_

_Bobby chuckled. "I think I can arrange that."_

_For a moment, they were silent. "Listen kiddo." said Bobby. "You ought to be damn proud of yourself." _

_For the first time, Dean looked up. He saw that Bobby was smiling at him. The tears came fast now for the first time Dean realized there was an adult in his life who was not disappointed in him. _

"_Really?" he asked his voice breaking. _

_Bobby smiled and squeezed Dean on the shoulder. "Yeah, really." Then Bobby bent down and sat on the floor next to the tub. "Listen Dean." said Bobby. "You are not responsible for what happened." "It was our responsibility—mine and John's—to look out for you." Bobby shook his head. "I'm sorry, kid, we failed you."_

_Dean started to say something, but he could not find the words. Then he began crying anew. Bobby turned off the water and drained it from the tub. He held out a towel and averted his eyes when Dean stepped into it. He started to hug Dean, but the boy backed away. Bobby smiled sadly, turned, and left Dean in the bathroom. Dean sat on the edge of the bathtub and died his tears. He grabbed his clothes and got dressed. He just wanted to eat and go to bed. Maybe if he tried, he could find a way to sleep through this nightmare. _

Dean at age 29

Dean was not happy. The last 24 hours had sucked major and the next 24 were going to be even worse. He and Sam were driving at breakneck speed and following Bobby and the old woman back to Chesapeake. He and Sam had not spoken since they left Billings. Neither brother knew what to say to the other. So many open wounds had been revealed in the prior 24 hours that neither knew where to begin, so they drove in silence. Dean felt terrible, not only physically, but emotionally. He never wanted Sam to knew the truth about the attack by the incubus. He wanted to be a role model to his little brother and not a rape victim. Dean did not want to talk about that night, but he knew that Sam wouldn't let it go once they had a chance to talk.

"Look Sam" said Dean quietly. "I never wanted you to know."

Sam was staring straight ahead and for a moment, Dean was not sure if she had heard him. Ever since the old woman revealed that their dad had been less than fatherly, Sam had been completely silent. Dean feared that it would not take much to push Sam over the edge.

"I know" said Sam. "I wish you would have." He looked over at Dean. "You should not have to carry that burden alone."

"It was my job to look out for you." said Dean. "I wanted to be a good role model."

For the first time in hours, Sam smiled. "You were a great role model Dean." He looked over at Dean again. "I wouldn't be alive if not for you."

"Sam" began Dean. "Dad . . ."

"Dean" interrupted Sam, his voice cold and even. "We all know what Dad was and what he cared about."

"Dad did love us Sam" said Dean. "I believe that."

"Good" said Sam in the same even tone. "Because I don't."

Dean glanced over at Sam a little frightened by his brother's cold demeanor. Despite their fights and differences, Sam and Dad were very much alike. Both were stubborn. Both had obsessive personalities and both could be very cold when it served their purpose. No wonder, thought Dean, he often felt like the odd man out.

Dean felt it was best to change the subject. Sam and Dad had always had problems. Now knowing that his father was willing to sacrifice him not only once but twice, Sam was understandably bitter. Dean always tried to hide the more unsavory facts of their life from Sam, but now he realized that his brother was an adult and hiding these things from him only made Sam darker and angrier.

The last thing Dean wanted was for Sam to go to the darkside, so he decided to change the subject.

"I don't like this plan" said Dean. "Killing an innocent woman just to kill this demon is as bad as summoning Pazuzu."

"What makes you think she is innocent?" asked Sam. "After all, she knows about black magic; she is the one that Dad got his advice from."

"So we go down the same way as Dad?" asked Dean. "No, I won't do that. I know firsthand what happens when we choose that path."

"I'm sorry Dean." said Sam. "I wish I could have stopped it." Sam paused as if he were struggling to say something. "Dad should have sacrificed me."

Dean slammed the brakes to the Impala with such force that the car nearly ran off the road. Bobby, who was following, nearly hit them. Dean turned to Sam with such a forceful look that Sam recoiled.

"Don't ever say that." he snapped with a coldness that equaled Sam's. "I would have never forgiven Dad if he had done that to you."

The brothers looked at each other and Dean suddenly grimaced. "Oh God!" he said looking slightly queasy.

"What?" asked Sam suddenly panicking.

"We're about to have a chick flick moment" said Dean grimacing. "I think I'm going to be sick." Sam started laughing.

At that moment, the brothers were startled when Bobby started banging on the driver's side window. Dean rolled down the window. "What the hell is going on?" demanded Bobby. "I almost hit you and you guys are in here laughing!"

Now it was Dean's turn to join in. "Sorry Bobby," he turned to Sam. "We were just trying to work things out."

"Ahh" said Bobby sarcastically. "You guys are breaking my heart." "Can we please just move on?"

"Yeah, okay" said Dean rubbing his face. "I'd guess that we are about an hour from Billings." "Think the incubus will be in the same place?"

"Probably" said Bobby. "It knows that we're coming for it and I'm sure its waiting for you."

Dean suddenly grinned. "See" he said to Sam and Bobby. "My appeal even crosses into the supernatural."

It was Bobby's turn to grimace. "I think I'm going to be sick." He started walking back to his car. "Let's get a move on."

Dean put the Impala in gear and hit the road with Bobby following behind. He glanced over at Sam. "Okay" he said. "Seriously, what are going to do?"

Sam didn't respond immediately. As they came to the outskirts of Billings, he finally spoke. "I think I have an idea."


	10. Chapter 10

Sam at age 9

_Sam at age 9_

_Sam watched his brother chew the cheeseburger slowly. Dean usually chomped down his food before Sam had time to take a bite, but tonight, he was eating so sluggishly that Sam wondered if his brother was even swallowing his food. Dean refused to make eye contact with anyone. Uncle Bobby had gotten spaghetti for Sam and Ding Dongs for desert. Without finishing his cheeseburger, Dean got up from the table. "I'm tired" he whispered. He walked over to the bed, pulled back the covers and circled up. Sam wanted to get up and go to his brother, but Uncle Bobby grabbed his hand. Sam sat back down and tried to eat, but he couldn't. He wanted to check on Dean. He looked over at Uncle Bobby. "I want to check on Dean." Uncle Bobby stared at him for a minute, then nodded his assent. Grabbing a Ding Dong, Sam went over to his brother's bedside. Dean looked like he was asleep. Leaning over, Sam whispered in Dean's ear "I'm leaving my Ding Dongs for you." Sam paused, struggling to say something that he knew Dean would tease him about. Finally, he whispered in Dean's ear. "I love you, Dean." Looking down at him, Sam was sure that Dean was fast asleep. Turning, he heard a snort coming from the bed. Sam let out a sigh. Turning back around, he saw that Dean was awake and grinning at him. "Sammy," he whispered. "You're such a wuss."_

Sam had confidence that his plan would work even if Dean had expressed his doubts as they were driving in. They had arrived at the motel only to find it completely empty and the incubus was nowhere. There were no EMF readings, no disgusting smell and nothing at all. While Sam worked out his plan and made a few phone calls, Dean, Bobby and the old woman covered the windows and door with rock salt and the old woman cast a protective spell over Dean to keep him from harm. Sam walked back into the room just as he was finishing his conversation.

"Yeah, great, thanks for doing this." he said. "We'll see you soon."

"Who was that?" asked Dean.

"Tamara" said Sam. "She's only 40 miles from Billings." Sam paused as he looked at the shocked faces of Dean and Bobby. "She's been hunting the Assyrian Lililut too."

"How did you know where to find her?" Bobby asked. "We haven't seen her since that night we fought the seven deadly sins."

Sam suddenly looked embarrassed. "I gave her my phone number and we talk occasionally."

Dean chuckled. "Sammy, you sly dog."

Sam looked impatient. "Dean, it's not like that." He shut his eyes for a moment. "She knows what it's like to lose" then he opened them ". . . someone you love." Dean looked embarrassed, but said nothing.

"I'm glad to know that she is okay" said Bobby. "But where has she been all this time?"

"Louisiana" said Sam. "She's been studying religion at Loyola University and working for a hoodoo priestess." Sam walked to a corner chair and sat down. "She heard that the Assyrian Lililut was up here and decided to make her way north."

"Why is she so interested in hunting this thing?" asked Bobby.

"It killed her daughter" answered the old woman.

Dean looked at Sam who nodded affirmatively.

"Great" said Dean. "What's the plan?"

Sam gave a half-smile. "I'll tell you when Tamara gets here."

_30 minutes later_

Sam answered the door when Tamara knocked and the two locked themselves in a huge embrace that even caused Bobby to raise an eyebrow. Over Tamara's head, Dean gave Sam the thumbs up and Sam rolled his eyes. Finally, they parted and Tamara nodded over to Sam and Bobby. "Hey gents," she said softly. "It's been a while."

"Yeah" said Dean who was still grinning at Sam. "How have you been?"

"Good" said Tamara. "Studying religion to try to get a better handle on things." She smiled sadly at Dean. "I heard about your deal." She paused. "I'm really sorry."

Dean shrugged. And Tamara shook her head at him. "You shouldn't be so cavalier." She nodded toward Sam and Bobby. "Think of the people you are leaving behind."

Dean looked disconcerted and Bobby stepped in. "So what's this big plan that you and Sam have dreamed up?"

Tamara looked at Sam who nodded encouragingly. "Incubi are not like other demons. You can not exorcise them out of the body. They can assume human form and when they are hunting someone in particular they often do." She turned to Sam. "You said that you did not find any indication that the incubus is still here. Is that right?"

Sam nodded. "So it's probably assumed human form."

"It will try to assume the form of someone Dean would be attracted to" said Tamara who turned to Dean. "What's your type?"

Bobby snorted. "Anything that is pretty, female, and willing to put out."

"Hey" protested Dean as Sam laughed. "I'm not that bad."

"Oh really!" said Bobby "How many times have you told me to call you back in a couple of hours because you had some feisty little wildcat you were waiting to reel in?"

Dean started to object when Sam chimed in. "Oh and let's not forget about you and the Doublemint twins."

"You went in for a threesome?" asked the old woman looking disgusted. "God, you're sick."

"Okay!" shouted Dean. "That's enough." He looked at Tamara. "I fell in love with a girl once." Dean looked pained as memories of Cassie surfaced. "She looked a lot like you."

"What happened?" asked Tamara.

"She left me" said Dean without a pause. "because of the job."

Tamara smiled at Dean sadly. "Yeah, this job has a bad habit of destroying even the most secure relationships." She paced for a moment tapping her teeth. "The incubus has attacked you twice. It has access to your memories. It will try and assume the shape of a woman from your past."

"Why?" asked Dean. "Why me?" "I thought this thing only attacked kids?"

"It remembers you." interjected the old woman smiling so her face looked twisted. "It wants to finish what it started it."

"Great." snapped Dean. "What form would this incubus as bait?"

Tamara shrugged. "It could be anyone."

"Listen Dean" interjected Sam. "Tamara knows a hoodoo spell that will repel the incubus, but we need to use you as bait."

"What form does this spell take?" asked the old woman.

"Hoodoo candles, rock salt and cubeb" replied Tamara. "We can use these items to trap and deter the incubus."

"But not kill it" said Dean.

"No" said Tamara. "There is no way to kill an incubus unless you sacrifice an innocent."

"Again" said the old woman. "I offer myself to this fight."

"No" stated Sam who looked at Dean. "That's not a road we are prepared to go down.

Dean smiled at Sam gratefully, thrilled to have his brother finally on his side. Sam smiled back and continued. "Tamara's going to get in contact with the hoodoo priestess to find out if there are any other spells to kill the incubus.

"Okay gents" said Tamara. "Let's get this room ready." Sam looked at Dean. "What's the local bar scene like here?"

"There are two bars" replied Dean. "Only one is open all night." Everyone in the room started laughing. "What?" asked Dean.

Bobby, Sam, Tamara and the old woman all shook their heads at Dean. Bobby looked at Dean and grinned. "You'd better get ready kiddo" he said. "You've got a big date.

Dean frowned, but realized that he needed to be bait. Sighing, he went to the bathroom to get ready. Sam was watching his brother and worried. Dean had nearly died twice because of the incubus. Were they making a mistake in using him as bait? He turned as he felt a hand on his arm. It was Tamara. She nodded reassuringly at Sam. They set to work.


	11. Chapter 11

Sam at age 9

_Sam at age 9_

_Sam had been working on his homework when Dean finally woke up. After teasing Sam last night, Dean fell asleep and spent the rest of the night having nightmares. Bobby pulled up a chair next to Dean's bed and watched over him the rest of the night. Sam woke up to find Bobby fast asleep with his hand resting on Dean's chest. Sam walked into the kitchen and got himself some cereal. He was eating and watching cartoons when he remembered that he had homework to complete. Ever the diligent student, Sam secretly enjoyed school and loved the attention he received from his female teachers. Sam longed for a mother. Although he knew that his mother was dead, Sam always wished that he could have seen her and known her. Sighing, Sam knew that wishing for his mother wouldn't bring her back. Every night, Sam prayed that she was in heaven with angels watching over her. Walking over to his backpack, Sam grabbed his books and notepaper and brought them to the table. Soon he was immersed in his schoolwork and for a while he completely forgot his problems. When Dean let out a groan, Sam had been hard at work for two hours. Dropping his pencil, Sam ran over to his brother's bedside._

"_Dean" exclaimed Sam "how are you?"_

"_Great" said Dean. "Just great."_

_Uncle Bobby woke up too. "Hey kid" said Uncle Bobby. "What do you want for breakfast?"_

_Dean sat up painfully and licked his cracked lips. "Pancakes" he whispered. "I like pancakes."_

_Bobby got up to make pancakes while Sam sat at edge of the bed. Dean looked over at the table and saw Sam's books. Then he let out another groan. _

"_We've just been attacked" said Dean. "And you're doing homework?"_

"_Yeah" said Sam. "I like school."_

_Dean stared at him. "God, you're weird." He managed to stand on his feet. "Are you sure that we are related?"_

"_Pancakes will be ready in five minutes" shouted Uncle Bobby. "You boys better get washed up."_

_Despite his injury, Dean managed to dash into the bathroom before Sam. He stuck out his tongue before shutting the door in Sam's face. Sam smiled. He was happy to see the old Dean back. Sam went over to the table and grabbed his books. By then Dean rushed out of the bathroom and sat down at the table. Uncle Bobby set down a stack of pancakes in front of Dean and he dug in with gusto. Despite his obvious pain, Dean ate with a grin on his face. He pointed his fork at Sam._

"_Sammy" he said. "We're going out to have fun today." He looked at Uncle Bobby. "Could I borrow 20?"_

_Uncle Bobby reached into his wallet and gave a 20 to Dean. "Don't spend it all in one place" said Uncle Bobby with a smile. "Don't you want me to drop you off at the mall?"_

"_Yeah" said Dean. "I've got to show Sammy how to pick up girls."_

"_Ewwww!" said Uncle Bobby and Sam in unison._

Sam at age 25

_At the bar_

Sam sat with Tamara at the end of the bar while Bobby played pool. The old woman was holding court with a table full of hunters and was killing them at poker. Dean was at the bar flirting with a beautiful girl who resembled Cassie so much Sam was sure that she was Cassie's twin. Dean was pouring on the charm and the girl seemed equally smitten with him. She was laughing at Dean's jokes and touching his arm. At one point, Dean looked over at Tamara and Sam and gave them a knowing nod. This girl was probably the incubus.

Tamara seemed amused. "Is he always like this?"

"When it comes to women" said Sam. "yeah, he has always been like that."

"Well" said Tamara giving Dean a thorough once over. "I can certainly understand why." She sighed and emptied her tequila glass. "He has a certain scent; a certain essence that would attract women." Seeing Sam look at her strangely, Tamara grabbed his arm. "Come on," she said. "Let's dance."

Sam walked reluctantly to the dance floor. He hated dancing. His height made dancing with anyone difficult. Even worse, he still had horrible memories of the Prom when his attempt to dance with his date made him the laughing stock of his high school. To make matters worse, Dean ran off with Sam's prom date. After nearly breaking Dean's jaw and sleeping at a friend's house for a week, Sam finally went back home. But never again, did his older brother try to steal Sam's girl. Even worse, the last time Sam danced with anyone was with Jessica a week before she died. Sam nearly proposed that night, but did not want to do so without a ring. God, how he wished he had, then Jessica would have been at her parents the night she died. With his mind racing to the past, Sam wasn't paying attention to his partner until Tamara said "Oww."

"Oh God!" said Sam. "I'm sorry." "Are you okay?"

"Yeah" said Tamara. "Sam, I'm fine." She cocked her head curiously. "Are you thinking about her?"

"Her?" asked Sam.

"Jessica" said Tamara.

It was Sam's turn to look curious. "How did you know about Jessica?"

"You told me once" said Tamara. "Don't you remember?"

Sam seemed confused, but then he smiled. "Yeah, I guess I did."

"How long was it?" asked Tamara her voice dropping low. "Before you had sex with someone else?"

Sam looked horrified. "What kind of question is that?"

Tamara smiled at Sam sensually. "A fair one." She pressed closer to Sam and a suddenly pungent smell overcame Sam. "Come on Sam, don't pretend that sex isn't important to you."

Sam pulled away and stared down at Tamara. "Sex is important when I really care about someone." Sam glared. "I loved Jessica and was always faithful to her."

Before Tamara could reply, Bobby walked up with the old woman who was counting her winnings. "If you two are done dancing," he said "Dean just walked out with the girl."

Sam glared at Tamara and all four walked out of the bar.

_At the motel_

Dean was always amazed at how easy it was to get women into his motel room. The girl, who was the spitting image of Cassie, was happy and willing, especially after they made out at the bar. Once in the room, they kissed some more before Dean gently pulled her top off. Then, Dean steered her toward the bed. She lay on the bed while Dean lit the hoodoo candles and sprinkled the rock salt on the windows.

"Why are you doing that?" asked the Cassie look-a-like.

"Ahhh" said Dean. "It keeps the roaches out."

"Oh" said the girl. "Why don't you come over here?"

"Sure" said Dean. He walked over to the bed and kissed the girl again. While he did so, he reached into the dresser for the cubeb which was in a bottle filled with other herbs and hot ashes. The mixture, Tamara assured him, would burn through the skin of the incubus. She had been unable to get a hold of the hoodoo priestess to find out if there was a way to kill the incubus. Nevertheless, Dean felt that once he disabled the demon, then he could use the usual techniques to kill it. Once he had a hold of the bottle, he stood back and threw its contents on the girl. Instead of burning the girl's skin, it just ended up making a mess on her lingerie. She stared up at Dean. "Are you insane!" she shouted. "Is this your idea of foreplay?"

Dean tried to chuckle and make light of the situation. "Isn't it sexy?"

The girl stared at him and stood up. She slapped Dean's face, grabbed her clothes and opened the door. Right outside stood Tamara, Sam, the old woman and Bobby waiting for Dean's signal. The girl stared at them opened mouth and then turned to Dean. "God, you're sick." With that she pushed her way through the crowd at the door and left. The old woman looked at Dean and grinned. "I'm glad that someone else thinks you are a perverted."

_In Sam and Dean's Room_

Sam was pacing the room. He could not shake the feeling their operation this evening had been compromised. The incubus had yet to make an appearance and no readings of it could be found anywhere in town. The police stopped by and questioned Dean concerning the incident with the Cassie look-a-like. Even worse, Tamara was acting strangely. True, Sam did not know her very well, but how she acted this evening and the way she talked on the telephone showed two vastly different people.

None of it made sense. Still, Sam knew that Dean was still in danger.

Meanwhile, Dean was too tired to care. He hadn't felt this exhausted in a while. He would never admit it to Sam, but he was even sure that he could have gone through with sex if he could have gotten that far. Even worse, Tamara, who Dean was saving for Sam, was looking at him in a way that normally would have made Dean happy to oblige her. After the Cassie look-a-like left, Tamara went around the room and collected the Hoodoo candles, rock salt and the bottle of the cubeb mixture.

"Don't you think we need that stuff?" asked Dean.

Tamara smiled at him. "Not tonight Dean."

With that, she walked out to her room and Bobby and the old woman departed for theirs. Dean felt so tired that he just laid on the bed without bothering to clean it up. He felt his eyes droop as he watched Sam pace the room.

"Sammy" he said yawning. "We have to get some sleep."

"Dean" said Sam. "We have to keep hunting; something is wrong here."

"Okay Sam" said Dean as his eyes closed. "You do that."

With Dean now asleep, Sam decided to take action himself. He grabbed the shotgun filled with rock salt and poured some rock salt on the windows and along the door. He took one last look at Dean and stepped outside. He was going to look for the incubus himself. Walking along the street, Sam realized that it had been another 24 hours without sleep. This was the one part of hunting that he hated: sleep deprivation. At Stanford, Sam kept regular sleep hours causing all of his friends to make fun of him. Sam took their ribbing in stride since he could never tell them the truth. He always intended to tell Jessica about the family business someday. Sam sighed. Maybe if he had told her, she would still be alive today.

He was walking along Main Street when he saw her. A woman was stumbling down the street. She was moving as if she were drunk. Sam shook his head. He never understood getting so drunk that you didn't know where you were or what you were doing. As the woman moved closer to him, Sam saw that she was bleeding. Now running toward her, Sam caught her in his arms as she fell forward. Turning her over, Sam was shock when he recognized her. Opening her eyes, the woman looked at him in surprise.

"Sam?" asked the woman. "Is that you?"

_In Sam and Dean's Room_

Dean was fast asleep when he heard a knock at the door. Opening his eyes, he called out to Sam, but only heard his own voice echoing in the room. With a groan, Dean got up and walked to the door. Looking through the peephole, he seemed surprised by the person on the other side of the door. Dean unlatched the door and opened it.

"Tamara?" he asked. "Isn't it kind of late?"

Tamara smiled at Dean. "I heard from the Hoodoo priestess. She has the information about killing the incubus. Can I come in?"

"Sure" said Dean rubbing his eyes feeling more tired than ever. "Come on in."

Tamara started to cross the doorframe when she stopped. "What's that?"

Dean turned. Tamara was pointing to the ground. Dean looked confused. "That's rock salt."

Tamara looked upset. "Do you really need to have that down? The incubus is not here."

Dean was confused by her behavior, but was too tired to think straight. He walked over to the doorframe and removed the salt. After that, Tamara seemed to calm down. "Thanks" she said to Dean, shut the door behind her and relatched it.

Dean stood near the bed and Tamara leaned over and kissed him. As she did so, Dean could smell a pungent smell coming from her. She pushed Dean down on the bed and climbed on top of him. Dean knew this was wrong, but he couldn't stop her. It was almost as though he was paralyzed. Tamara was straddling Dean's waist and was running her hands over Dean's chest and lower stomach. As she did so, Dean could feel his body reacting. Oh God, thought Dean, come on Dean, you can control it. Unfortunately, his body wasn't listening as he could feel the muscles in his lower stomach and upper thighs tighten. Tamara could feel Dean's reaction and her eyes began to glow. She leaned over, grabbed Dean's hair and pulled him close to her and she inhaled.

"Ahh Dean." She said. "I taken hundreds of children's lives, but your essence is so unique." Pulling Dean's head back, she looked at him and smiled. "I was so thrilled to have found you again. It made killing that child worth it."

Dean was paralyzed. "You killed that girl because of me" he whispered.

Tamara's body began to change. She sprouted wings out of her back. She grew claws and bird talons and changed into her original form. Tamara was a disguise. It was the Assyrian Lililut.

"I felt your presence as soon as you came to town" said the incubus. "I was only going to take some energy from the child, but as soon as I knew you were here, I killed her so you would stay."

"And Tamara?" asked Dean, starting to move back toward the headboards. "Did you hurt her?"

The incubus through back its head and laughed. "Silly Tamara" said the incubus. "She wanted revenge because I killed her little girl." The incubus pinned Dean's head to the bed's headboard. "It was Tamara's fault. If she hadn't walked in, I would have only taken some energy from the girl and moved on."

The incubus ran its claws down Dean's chest. "I killed Tamara and assumed her form, so I could get close to you."

"How come Sam didn't detect you?" asked Dean grabbing the covers with both hands.

"Sammy" said the incubus lowering its head to within inches of Dean's "has demon blood, so it is difficult for him to recognize other demons, especially when they are so well-disguised."

The incubus had Dean pinned down, but he forced himself to gather his strength. "Why" he asked the incubus. "do you want me so badly?"

The incubus run its tongue down the side of Dean's face. "You are very unique. You have your mother's blood and she was a unique woman."

At the mention of his beloved mother, Dean's blood ran cold. Freeing his hands, which were now covered in the cubeb mixture that was still on the bed, Dean clapped both hands on the sides of the incubus's face. The incubus reared back screaming as the mixture began to melt its skin. Dean rolled off the bed and tried to crawl to the door, but he didn't have much energy left. Suddenly the door burst inward and in the door frame stood Sam and Tamara. Her face was covered in blood and her clothes were tore, but she stood straight and looked ready to fight. Running forward with a iron stake in her hand, she rammed it into the screaming incubus. The incubus suddenly exploded and a raw uncontrollable energy filled the room. Everyone covered their eyes. Then it was gone.

Tamara pulled herself up as Sam helped Dean to his feet. Turning she looked at the brothers and said, "I finally killed the thing that took my daughter." Then she burst into tears. Sam helped Dean into a chair and went over to Tamara. He put his arms around her while she cried. Dean put his head in his hands and cried alongside her.


	12. Chapter 12

Sam at age 9 and Dean at age 13

_Sam at age 9 and Dean at age 13_

_Sam and Dean hit the mall in style. Dean insisted that Sam actually wear a cool plaid shirt and not a Sam's favorite polo. This, swore Dean, was why Sam never got a girl. Personally, Sam was not interested in girls and after leaving his brother to entertaining a group of girls at the arcade, Sam wandered into a local occult store. Walking amongst the Goths and other kids, Sam looked at the items for sale. Most of it was crap, Sam decided and would have very little use if someone was actually fighting or summoning a demon. Bored, Sam began to walk back through the store when he heard Dean's voice. His brother was shouting at someone. Sam broke into a run and about three stores down, he found his brother standing outside the arcade chin to chin with another boy. The two were shouting at each other and a circle of kids began to gather hoping for a fight._

"_Say it again!" shouted Dean. "I dare you!"_

"_You're a homo," sneered the boy who was backed up by his friends. "The only person I see you hanging around with is this little kid." The boy's friends laughed. "Is he your boyfriend?"_

_Dean lost control and socked the kid in the jaw. His friends jumped on Dean, the kids gathered began howling and shouting for Dean to get beat up. Sam tried to make his way through the crowd but he was forced back because of his size. Finally, two security guards arrived and dispersed the crowd. Dean was at the bottom of the pile. His nose was bleeding and he had two cuts on his cheek. He was picked up by the security guard and told to leave the mall immediately. Meanwhile, the kid and his friends grabbed their girlfriends and headed back into the arcade. Sam followed Dean through the crowd as his brother began running for the exit. Once outside, Dean began walking toward the motel. He had yet to look or speak to Sam, but Sam was able to keep stride with his brother and saw that Dean was crying._

"_Dean" asked Sam. "What happened?"_

"_Shut it, Sam!" snapped Dean. "I don't want to talk about it."_

"_Dean" began Sam. _

"_I don't want to talk about it!" shouted Dean. He stopped, grabbed Sam and shouted in his face. "You'd better not tell anyone about this!"_

"_Dean" said Sam with tears forming in his own eyes. "Please let me help you."_

_It seemed to Sam that something in Dean broke. Dean let go of his brother and sat down on the sidewalk. He wiped the tears away from his face with his shirt sleeve. In a low voice, he said " I was talking to these girls and apparently, they had boyfriends."_

"_The guys who beat you up?" asked Sam._

"_Yeah" said Dean. "I know them from school." "They are always making fun of me."_

"_Why?" asked Sam in genuine surprise. "You are the coolest guy I know."_

_Dean managed to smile through his tears. "You're such a geek Sammy."_

"_Anyway" said Dean. "He hates me cause his girlfriend likes me." Dean suddenly grinned. "After all, you cannot blame her, I am completely adorable." To which Sam rolled his eyes._

"_Why did he call you a homo?" asked Sam. "What is that?"_

_Dean's face changed. He looked at Sam. "That is a bad word. Never say that word. Do you understand?"_

_Sam nodded. Then Dean clamped his brother on the shoulder. "Let's go home."_

_The two brothers walked toward the motel as the sun set on another day._

Sam at age 25 and Dean at age 29

The air was cool and crisp the morning after the incubus was destroyed. Bobby was taking the old woman back to her home. To their surprise, she hugged both of them.

"You both have made a wise choice" she said. "Not to follow down the path of your father." She sighed and sniffed the morning air. "Your father meant well, but he chose the Left Hand path." She reached into her pocket, pulled out two medallions and cupped them. "His path destroyed his family as well as himself."

Sam and Dean did not respond. Sam's feelings toward his father were numb. He wanted to love and respect Dad, but he had learned too much about his father in the last two years to feel anything above contempt at this point. He looked over at Dean whose face was inscrutable. Instead of looking at Sam, he looked at the old woman. "I'm my father's son aren't I?" "After all, I'm going to hell."

The old woman smiled and touched his cheek. "Your fate is not what you would expect." With that, she turned and walked to Bobby's car. Behind her, the brothers and Bobby looked after her with questioning if not amused expressions. Sam shook his head. "What do you suppose she meant?"

"I have no idea," said Bobby. "But from what I have heard, she is never wrong."

"Where are you off to?" asked Dean.

"Home" said Bobby. "I need some R and R." He looked over at Dean. "I'm still searching for a way to get you out of this deal."

Dean smiled. "Thanks Bobby."

"Don't thank me kid." chuckled Bobby. "That's what family is for."

With that, Bobby gave a wave and walked off to his car. He got in and took off in the direction of Billings. As he left, Tamara walked up. She was just completing a phone conversation.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a couple of hours" she said. "Thanks for calling."

Hanging up, she looked up at Sam and Dean and grinned. "Well, gents, we never seem to meet under good circumstances, but thanks again, I finally feel as though I have been set free."

Sam smiled at her. "I'm glad we could help." For a moment, he and Tamara seemed to only notice each other until Dean cleared his throat.

"Sorry" said Tamara. "I'm headed back to New Orleans. A friend called from Utah. She said that there was an incident with a family there that has the cops stumped."

"What's the case?" asked Dean.

"The family is dead except for the little girl" said Tamara. "Apparently, the police are accusing her of killing her whole family." Tamara shuddered before continuing. "She's only 8 years old."

"Demon involvement?" asked Sam.

"Definitely" said Tamara. "But this is on a higher level than I have seen before." She looked over at Dean. "With your deal coming due, you need to be as careful as possible." She put her hand on Dean's shoulder. "I'll find out what I can and get in touch with you."

Dean nodded his thanks, but didn't say anything else. Sam and Tamara moved away from Dean for a private conversation of their own. Dean unlocked the trunk of the Impala and threw his and Sam's bags in, then he got in the car. Watching Sam and Tamara, Dean hoped that they would get together. Tamara would be good for Sam. His little brother would need someone, thought Dean, to ground him once he was gone. Besides, thought Dean, she is pretty hot for an older woman.

Sam and Tamara hugged, then broke apart. Sam walked to the Impala and got in. Tamara jumped in her SUV and took off with a wave. Sam waved back and looked over at Dean. His brother's expression caused him to frown. "What?" he asked.

"You and Tamara?" asked Dean.

"Nothing is going on Dean" said Sam with a sigh.

"Not yet" said Dean starting the Impala. "Where to?"

Sam laid his head against the seat. "Somewhere we can get some R and R."

"Hmm" said Dean. "How does Seattle appeal to you?"

"Why Seattle?" asked Sam.

"Well" said Dean with a grin. "There is this girl . . ."

Sam held up his hand to stop Dean from going into descriptive detail. "Fine, Seattle it is."

Dean cranked up the radio and under his guidance, the Impala tore out of the parking lot and headed west as the sun rose on another day.


End file.
